For most of us being called selfish would be taken as an insult, a cutting comment that would have us doubting ourselves and make us question how we are treating those around us but the truth is sometimes in life it is necessary to be selfish to get the best results, not only for yourself but for those around you.
It is almost impossible to be completely selfless all of the time, and though most of us would see this as an admirable quality I have realised as I’ve gotten older that putting yourself first really is the only way to be able to project the best version of yourself to those around you. It’s easy to get caught up in making everyone around you happy that you forget about your needs a wants, the simple truth is if you are not happy with your life and within your hearts of hearts it is impossible to make those around you happy too? Sure you can fake it, but after a while the cracks will begin to show and you will begin to resent the people who you have been focusing on because you haven’t been selfish enough with your time, your heart or what you really want. Tell me you haven’t been one of these people before....
The Party Pleaser
You attend every christening, house warming, engagement, wedding, birthday, welcome back drinks and going away drinks just to name a few. You are the first to arrive because you need to help set up, you’re the only one who has brought a gift and taken the time to write a heartfelt card and by the end of the month you can barely remember a time when you have had a weekend at home just chilling on the couch and getting life admin done. Girl, it’s time to be selfish. Learning how to deliver these two simple letters N.O will be life changing for you. People lean on you constantly because they know that you will be there, while this is an admirable quality I am sure you have questioned more than once the outlay being a social butterfly costs you, not just financially but emotionally. Take a weekend off, potter around the house, read a book in the sun, just learn to say no.
The Love Addict
Too often we find ourselves in relationships where the balance is all out of whack. You are compromising on everything and day by day your will to get what you need out of the relationship is diminishing. We find ourselves saying “Oh it’s not worth the argument” or “Sorry he couldn’t make it today, he just got stuck at work” Lies… In most cases he couldn’t be bothered or got a better offer from the boys, you may feel like you are giving and giving and he is taking and taking and eventually you will start to get worn out. Let me tell you, you have to be selfish. You need to not only know what you want and expect from your partner and sometimes the only way to get it this to be selfish, selfish with your time, how much effort you outlay and selfish enough to say no when you know it isn’t right for you.
The Debbie Downer
You are so busy trying to lift everyone else up that you forget about the most important person in your life, YOU! The truth is happiness is most effective when it is shared and if you are finding yourself in a bit of a lull or feeling like you are not getting the things you need from those around you then it is time to speak up and take charge. Are you most happiness when you are around people and do you find when you are alone and have time to yourself to think you perhaps aren’t as happy as you think you are? That’s just Debbie talking and she’s a real downer, but you can get her off your shoulder by being more selfish with your time, selfish with how much you emotionally outlay to friends and family. Those who love and adore you will have your back when you start to pull back and let them know that you are investing in a little more “You” time over the coming months, if they don’t then maybe it’s time to take a step back from that person, those in your life will support and understand your decision and love you regardless. In the long run doing what is best for you will actually work out even better for everyone around you, so don’t be afraid to do it every once in a while.
The Work Walk Over
Being a little selfish in the office sometimes is essential when it comes to achieving success, you may think that because you are a junior you can be worked into the ground or that it’s completely fine to be staying back on Friday night doing Sally’s work because she’s on a deadline and had to duck out for three hours to go to the General Pants sale, but no babes that just isn’t the case. It is OK to be a little selfish and explain that you just don’t have the time to do it or that you have already stayed back 3 nights that week to get through your own workload that you just couldn’t possibly take on someone else’s. The truth is that is fair, not selfish and by realising that compromising your own aspirations for someone else’s who wouldn’t do the same for you is all sorts of cray. So don’t afraid to be selfish and speak up for yourself within the workplace, when done correctly people will respect you a lot more for it.
With the above being said there is really a fine line between being selfish in a productive way or just being selfish for the sake of it. So ask yourself these 2 simple questions:
1. Would that person do it for me?
2. Does what I’m being asked to do make me feel happy/fulfilled?
If the answer is yes then this isn’t the right time to be selfish, this is the time to help out, be available and let your friends and family lean on you a little, because we all need a helping hand sometimes…